For our anniversary weekend in 2018, Brian and I logged off to snuggle into a cabin nestled in the hills. As we were overlooking the ocean, we got into a little something that may sound unusual: a marriage workshop.
Why a marriage workshop?
We are now one year into our marriage, and have so much gratitude for what we have built so far. However, we also have ambition to match that gratitude. We plan to have a great marriage, and know that with all blessings come great responsibilities. Love, joy, respect, intentionality and energy is something that needs to be put in every step of the way to make this the great adventure it’s meant to be. During this marriage workshop, we talked about our mission as a unit, our values, our goals. This was not only about our plans for next month, but also the ones we would have in sixty years. We began drafting speeches that we would be proud to hear again even decades from now.
Wondering if a marriage workshop is the way to go for you and yours? Read on for our experience.
Who we are
A little bit of travel…
If I had to describe us in only two words, it would definitely be romantic explorers. Brian and I love to travel, meet new people, try new things and go on adventures… But at the end of the day, we also love to settle in the calm of each other’s presence. Some of our recent international trips include New Zealand, Rosarito for a family vacation, Puerto Vallata for our honeymoon, Russia and Colombia. We’ve also thoroughly explored the states, from our home states of California and Michigan to every city in between. Since we’ve known each other, we’ve had an amazing time exploring Boston, Austin, Florida, Salt Lake City, Portland, Chicago… and too many more to count.
… And a lot of kindness
Along with our passion for travel, we were brought together by our passion for doing good in the world. We regularly volunteer and spread kindness and information about our vegan lifestyle. We also have a similar outlook on relationships and how to make them work, which is key to any successful marriage. Being vulnerable and intimate with each other is very important to us. Talking openly about our fears and pains and seeking outside mentorship and advice when needed is what make us work as a unit. We have a ridiculous amount of fun together and give our marriage all the time and intentionality it deserves to keep it thriving.
Our Marriage Workshop Weekend
Deciding where you want to put your energy
We treat so many areas of our life with care and intentionality. Things such as business plans, financial concerns or workout routines can only work through regular check-ins. Before that, there’s also a clear need for realistic and concrete expectations, something born out of a deep-dive into our intentions. If we’re all ready to put this much energy into these parts of our lives, why not put the same level of energy into the most important relationship we will ever have?
This is one of the reasons why Brian and I attend marriage therapy, which we both love. I know that this is a stigmatized topic, which is why I want to make a point to mention that you don’t need to have problems in your marriage to have marriage therapy! It’s simply a useful tool that I wish a lot more people used.
Destigmatizing Marriage Therapy
It’s also incredibly fun for us. We learn about each other, sometimes deal with tough topics and benefit from the presence of a trained professional. Having someone to coach and guide us through the inevitable rough patches that every relationship goes through has been lifechanging. We met our incredible therapist Darls Centola in Los Angeles and continue to work with her remotely. We’re always excited to see her for our hour long sessions where we talk about one or two topics at a time. She gives us powerful tools to connect and understand each other at deeper levels than we already do.
We attended the Weekend To Remember marriage workshop when we were first married and always kept in the back of our minds the advice that the speakers here gave us. They recommended doing a “marriage workshop weekend” to dig into any tough issues that have arisen. While we don’t have to wrestle any scary or looming issues since we constantly communicate about our needs, we still took the time to have this marriage workshop. It was a great way to dig into our emotions and what we want from our relationship. It gave us all the tools for how to take care of each other.
Our favorite parts of the weekend
We were very happy with how the components of this weekend turned out. Here are some of our favorite aspects of it.
- The availability of a romantic getaway space just for the two of us.
- A structured timetable and planned meals (we’re both fans of Purple Carrot). Anything that wasn’t directly related to our marriage workshop was made to take as little time as possible. On top of healthy plantbased meals, we also emphasized movement every day to keep both our bodies and minds happy.
- Getting away from technology and having shared expectations on how much to use it (basically not at all). We only used a computer if workshop exercises called for it. Our closest family members knew to call us three times to break our phones’ do not disturb mode in case of an emergency. Other than that, this marriage workshop was only for the two of us.
- And maybe the most important part of all, lots of fun and relaxing play time with just the two of us after workshopping time.
Marriage Workshop Material
It can be hard to know where to start with something as big as a marriage workshop. Thankfully, there was no shortage of great material to help us out: Our favorite was without a doubt Luke Nelson’s Prepare & Enrich: Building Strong Marriages. It includes sections on basically every aspect of marriage you can think of. The issues of communication, our respective stress profiles, conflict resolution, finances, leisure, sex and affection, roles, spirituality, expectations, parenting, current and future goals are all addressed. We also used the attached time worksheet, which encourages each person to break down how they currently use their time, how they would like to change it, and the steps to take to get there.
Drafting a mission statement for our marriage was also something we found useful.
We didn’t use every resource we had, but if you’re thinking of having your own marriage workshop, it could also be valuable to look into things about planning for those who are thinking about tying the knot or rescue plans for those who have been neglecting their relationship and are ready to take action to change it.
What helps us keep our marriage strong?
The marriage workshop allowed us to think about the things that we value in our relationship and the small things that make it as strong as it is. These may all seem like fairly small things, but they all add up in the end! Here are a few things we both like about the way we work with each other.
Physical contact
- We hold hands both in public and in private. It’s such a simple way to show your spouse that you’re here for them and make the both of you feel loved.
- We always kiss each other goodbye and hello, even when other people are around. It may feel a little awkward at first if you’re not used to that kind of display of affection! However, the feeling of connection we get from it is much more empowering in the end than any temporary discomfort.
- If we’re feeling off, we’re always allowed to ask for a hug. Once again, physical contact is a huge deal!
Doing things together
- Even doing something as simple as going on walks together can be a huge plus while building a trusting relationship. Simply showing that you’re here for each other through mundane tasks make them exciting.
- Some of you may feel differently than we do about this one, but we both love to sit next to each other at restaurants. The inconvenience of having to shift the plates and utensils around doesn’t mean much compared to the power of a good snuggle.
- We schedule loads of different types of date nights. We have casual movies inside the house as much as fancy dress and going out kind of nights. Long walks and massage nights are also on our date night rotation. Different kinds of dates nurture different sides of our relationship and makes them all stronger.
- We always make a point to voice and write our appreciation. It can be tempting to get used to the amazingness of your partner. Remember that truly special relationships should never be taken for granted! That’s exactly why we went in this marriage workshop weekend in the first place. Taking the time to pause and consider what you appreciate about your spouse and thank them for it is an extremely strong way to make them feel valued. Writing these thoughts down can also make for beautiful memories once either of you come back to read them – even years away from now!
Marriage Workshop: Our Final Thoughts
Our wedding was an incredible celebration of our love, commitment and overall relationship. It’s a day I wouldn’t change a thing about, as I loved every single aspect of it (and yes, I may be talking about it now just so I can share our beautiful wedding photos by the amazing Jodi B). However, a wedding, as beautiful as it can be, is only the start of marriage. I hope that things like marriage workshops and openly talking about them can make those embarking on this wonderful adventure know that the wedding is far from the final achievement in a relationship.
Marriage takes work and investment at every step of the way. The best part though? If you truly love your spouse, this is work that you will always love. It aims for nothing more than bring you closer to the most important person you know. Maybe some other couples will be satisfied putting it a little less work than we do, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. We are extremely happy with the results of this marriage workshop and won’t hesitate to do it again. We’ll do anything to make our relationship grow even stronger with every passing year.
Want more?
Want to read more about us and what we believe in? Here are a few other suggestions:
- My story with veganism
- Advice for working from home and coping with quarantine
- My struggle with chronic urticaria and a vegan low-histamine diet
- Our travel wellness guide
Let us know in the comments if you’ve ever had experience using a marriage workshop! And don’t forget to drop us any questions you might have here or on Instagram!
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